We know we know.. we promised two parts.. Bs we're really stressed so here's a long one :*!
-------
*Sara's point of view*-------
Silence took place.. There I was, standing with my mouth wide open.
I couldn't believe what he just said! Am I the reason he's here?! Is my being with Saeed doing this to him??
No, this can't be happening.
I took one last look at Abdullah, and ran out.
I can't see him again, I don't want to hurt him..
I drove to Saeed's house, completely forgetting that he ditched me last night, and melted in his arms as if nothing happened.
We talked and talked for hours, but then the sun set and it was time for me to go home.
Sunday,
Ugh school..
In Physics,
Abdullah was sitting infront of me, while Saeed was right behind me. Oh crap, I did not want to be put in this position!!
When all of a sudden the teacher announced, "You will be paired up into groups for an expirement."
NONONO.. Please anyone but Abdullah.. please please don't let it be Abdullah..
"Saeed and Mariam"
WHAT?! Uff nevermind that now..
"Sara and.."
Fingers crossed. Please please anyone but him..
"Jawaher" The teacher announced.
PHEW. I sighed with relief as I searched for my partner.
Jawaher was a cute, brunette, with light brown eyes and freckles. She wore huge glasses and braces.
I went to sit with my partner,
"Hi," She said with a cheeky smile. "I'm Jawaher! But you can call me Jewels"
"Aww, Heey I'm Sara"
"I know" She replied with a smile, then paused. "You're 3abood's friend"
Shocked,
"You know 3abood?"
"No.." She looked at him dreamily.. "I just wish I did" She sighed.
I wanted to laugh so badly, but for some reason I couldn't
I looked over Jewels' shoulder, and saw Saeed.. Having a great time with MARIAM.
Jewels must've noticed I was staring.
"That guy's bad news" She warned.
Uf, not this crap again.
"He seems fine to me"
She laughed sarcastically, "Es2al mojarb w laa tas2al 6abeeb". When she was about to continue, The teacher Announced interupting her " Students tidy up, you can continue your experiment at home and its worth 20% of your mark."
Sara and Jewels walked down the hall after final bell.
Jewels did most of the talking, Sara was still in a state of shock.
"You know you seem like a nice girl, maybe we can be friends." She smiled her perky smile.
"I'd like that" I tried so hard to smile. I really did like Jewels, but I was in a very bad mood.
"You should come to my place, would you like that?" She jumped up and down excitedly. "Just girl's night!"
That actually sounded like fun!
"Sure! I'd love that come one let's go!!" I was almost as excited as she was. I've never had a 'girl's night' before.
We drove in Jewels' car, and sang along to the radio when "Down" came up.. And I remembered him.
Uff, I don't wanna think about him! I changed the song to "So what"
I felt much, much better.
We gossiped about all the girls in our school who think they're so cool, when finally we reached her house.
It was a simple house. Nothing too flashy. In my eyes, it was perfect.
We were so excited! I felt like I had known her all my life. She was like the sister I never had.
She led the way to her room. Her room was everything I imagined a girl's room would be, the walls were multi-colored, Pink, orange, and green. Unlike my black and red bedroom. I felt like a guy.
As I admired her room, I noticed she was a huge Hello Kitty fan. Her bed sheets were hello kitty, and she had a huge Hello Kitty pillow. I also noticed the Hannah Montana poster on the wall. I made a gagging face, and she noticed.
"HEY! Be nice to Hannah!" She said, "I don't get why people hate her. She's perfect!" As she put her hand on the poster.
Moments later, I was COVERED in make-up.
I actually.. I can't believe I'm saying this.. I actually looked pretty.
I guess animal poop CAN make you pretty.
Now it was my turn to do Jewels' make up.
OFCOURSE, I chose pink.
I applied her bright pink lipstick, foundation, eyeliner and pink eye shadow. I ended it with a little bit of blush on both cheeks.
Without her glasses, she looked so PRETTY.
I almost didn't recognize her.
"Well, What do you think?!" I asked all excited
"Hmmm.." As she admired herself in the mirror " PERFECT " She screamed and I joined along screaming and jumping.
When suddenly her mother opens the door "Umm.. dinner is ready." She said, looking at us confused.
How Embarssing.
But no matter, as soon she closed the door, we continued jumping quietly and let out a quiet shriek before we ran down to eat.
Her mother made us some spaghetti with meatballs and not to mention her delicious chocolate cake. It felt like home, I just felt relaxed with them. Her mother was cool, she would giggle with us and it felt that Jewels would talk to her about anything. Ugh.. I wish I had a relationship like that with mom..
My blackberry was vibrating, "INCOMING CALL from Mom"
Wow, 3mrha 6weel..
Before I could even say hello, she screamed at me. And all i could hear was "Bla Bla Your Late bla bla You Diddnt Tell me"
The excitement about girls night just made me forgot. So there I was listening to her and answering back with "Sorry" or "Okay".
I Could see Jewel's mom, opening her hand a sign of me giving her my blackberry so she could speak with mom.
I Just shoke my head meaning no
She insisted, so i gave her.
"Slam 3laikm"
"Yes, i know its getting late"
"Yes, yes i know, but the girls here are having fun."
"Look, Can Sara sleep over for the night? i heard there was a storm tonight."
"Don't worry, her size is like my daughter's size and i'll drop them off to school tomorrow if its not raining."
"Aha, ok, Here Sara, Your mom want's to talk to you."
She handed me the BlackBerry, my heart fell into my stomache, i took a deep breathe. Can't blame me I never slept over at someone's house and this is new to her, she might just scream at me again.
"Yes Mom?"
"Have Fun at the sleep over Bella, and i'll be seeing you tommorow."
Posts
waitin For the Next paart <33333
ReplyDelete3awosh ;*
Jewels Seems Nice ;)
ReplyDeleteSa3ood -.- Shu elii '3yrh Faj2a ?!
3abood <3 kaasr 5a6ry hal wld
WAAAAAAITING FOR THE NEXT PART ;D !!
how cuuute xD !! WAITING FO R THE NEXT ONE xD
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeletePlease make next times Part a little bit longer then this one please :)~!
ReplyDelete-I'm Undefined.
i hate saaaraaa sooo badly!!!! laaaiiish hadaaaitii 3abooooooood <3 !! laiiiish!!! :"(
ReplyDeletemznzn
http://that-perfect-someone.blogspot.com/
ReplyDeletei like Jewels, shakila 6ayooba :P
ReplyDelete7laila 3aboood :( mt3thb hal insan !!
yalla we want the next part, QUICKLY ! (A)
-EmJaih
Well this might not be exactly what you want to hear but I think someone should mention it. This is an overall critique.
ReplyDeleteI have to agree with many things the 'annoying reviewer' brought up in his/her comments, for example that their relationship seemed to be moving at a very rapid pace and that it seems a bit off if they were two emarati's.
If you are serious about this or at least would like it to look a little more professional you need a proof reader or something of the sort because there are errors in the writing for example it is 'red' not read or redd. I would also suggest reading some writing guides that might help your style since I get the feeling that you are only writing down facts, a story has to be juicy and needs filling. A bit more description would go a long way since the story seems to jump from one scene to another. The fact that everything seemed to be fine with Abdullah and then suddenly he has asthma and the fact that he was at the hospital and then just as quick at Sara's house is very jumpy and not well explained.
I would suggest at looking at the realism in the writing due to the fact that in many cases it doesn't make sense, the best example would be Sara running to the hospital. How she did that, if it was set here in the UAE, is beyond me but she did.
"Her mother made us some spaghetti with meatballs and not to mention her delicious famous chocolate cake." Sorry but I had to bring this up, how would Sara know that it was the famous cake if this was the first time she's been there and had it? I mean she met the girl for the first time on the same day, she goes for a sleepover and her mother isn't remotely worried that she has never met said person before?
Last but not least I had to mention the uncanny similarities between this story and Twilight. I actually brought out my copy of Twilight when I read the first paragraph of this story just to make sure it wasn't a word for word copy. If you have creativity please use it and be original.
This all might seem a little harsh but I thought you guys need some critique since nobody else has offered something sturdy to work with. There are many guides available to help with these sort of issues. But again this all depends with the readers you are aiming at and what they might like.
Harsh Critic
Harsh Critic, Lat7asbeen el nass 3ala a56a2hom, 7asbi nafsch gabl mat7asben el nass. Nobody is perfect!
ReplyDeleteSee I never said I was perfect, I was only pointing out things that would make the story infinitely better.
ReplyDeleteI praise these writers for actually trying to write something since I would not have been able to do that myself. But everybody can get better and I'm not judging them, just giving them constructive criticism so as to improve.
And just some food for thought.... if nobody gave criticism people would never improve... the important thing is that you should be open to listening and be willing to refine your writing skills.
Again I will say I don't wish to insult or offend, I just wanted to help and maybe offer some advice. If people can't accept that they are drawing their own limitations.
Harsh Critic
Enti may59ch enzain
ReplyDeleteHarsh Critic,
ReplyDeleteFirst of all, thank you for stating your opinion. Now let me state mine:
The story was purposely meant to seem unrealistic. It takes a reader to a fantasy world they wish they had. Sure it's not well written, but to be honest, who cares? No, let me rephrase that. Who would appreciate it? No one notices grammatical/spelling errors, and frankly no one seems to care.
Secondly,
We're very pressured, so this is just something we throw together just for the sake of people who actually ENJOY reading this story.
Also,
I agree about the Twilight thing. It is very similar. No arguments here. The point is it gives a chance for people to try to predict or at least "put the pieces together", which apparently no one was capable of.
Anyways, my point is, why waste talent on those who don't appreciate it? No one gives a damn about grammar.. Excuse me for my language (: !
Nevertheless, thank you for your opinion!
Good day,
H~
Ummm, I have to agree with the Annoyanator [lol, I like him/her] and Harsh critic [blunt name, I like it].
ReplyDeleteSome of us actually do care about spelling and grammar, you know. It really irks me when I read bad grammar.
Criticism is very important. And I'm glad that you accepted it graciously.<3.I know it's hard, been there done that. But it IS one of the keys to successful writing. That, and editing.
ILUV2CHEWGUM.
PS: would you please inform us of the setting, because there's no way in hell that it's in UAE.
Also, the whole chocolate cake thing confused me too.
ILUV2CHEWGUM,
ReplyDeleteAlright then, next post we'll pay more attention to grammar/spelling. Trust me, no one would even notice. But apparently we've got 'haters' lol.. So yeah, we really don't mind fixing grammatical/spelling errors.
I repeat, it's not supposed to be realistic. It's supposed to be what people want it to be. So this is the fantasy version of UAE. Oh and btw, there really are people like that.. Trust me, I know a lot.
Anyways, Thank you for sharing your opinion. Hopefully the next post would satisfy you.
H~
Ppl ely mb 3aybnh just dont read
ReplyDeleteAs if u could write something better
GET A LIFE !
why did u bother urself reading and posting a comment gad raskm etha el shay mb 3aybnkm
H and A just keep writing, 4get about these sick ppl *they are jelous =p*
3awoosh :*
Nay! Nay, I do not hate thou!
ReplyDeleteReally, I'm not a "hater" and I don't think anyone who criticizes you has to hate you. =)
Really?! There ARE people like that? Shit, have people gone mad?
Thanking you and Awaiting your next post,
ILUV2CHEWGUM
ILUV2CHEWGUM,
ReplyDeletelol you're not, but others may be. Oh well, it's not like we give a damn.
And yes, as sad as it may be, people really have gone mad.
& Thanks for commenting =]
H~
Thank you ILUV2CHEWGUM!! I was thinking the same thing, I wouldn't have mentioned it if I didn't. Some of us care a whole lot and it affects our opinion of the story.
ReplyDeleteAnd it's not 'haters' since I was truly trying to give constructive criticism, though the way i gave it might have been frank and to the point. Though it now seems to be unwanted so point taken.
I love the fact that you said your readers won't appreciate it if you spell checked and considered grammar. I actually chuckled at that since that shows what you think of your readers... hehe... But we now know that the story caters only to a certain group of readers. This was according to what you yourself had written.
It all depends on the next post if our words of 'attempted' help will be considered or not. Looking forward to it.
Harsh Critic
To 3awoosh:* , whomever you are:
ReplyDeleteI never said I didn't like it! I do!
I just think that it will transform from good to great, providing that A&H will fix the spelling/grammar mistakes, which they already said that they would. =]
I can see that you're their friend, and that you don't like people pointing out their faults ( I have friends too, I know how you feel). But that doesn't give you the right to diss people left and center. That behavior alienates people, and I'm sure that you want your friends' story to be a success...
I'm not here to argue, hurt, or insult anyone, I'm here for reading for crying out loud. I just like to discuss things. =\
Oh, A&H, when are you going to post the next chapter?? =)
ILUV2CHEWGUM.
PS: Your welcome, Harsh critic. =]
Ok thanks girls for the advice, oh and Harsh Critic, I didn't mean all our readers, I'm not trying to be rude or anything, but most of our readers just want stories. They don't care about settings, grammar, or spelling. But hopefully we'll try to satisfy *everyone* in our next post. & Thanks ILUV2CHEWGUM.
ReplyDeleteAppreciated the advice, TC (F).
H~
You're welcome.
ReplyDeleteI am *really* sorry I made a big fuss, I'll promise I'll behave. ( makes puppy dog face).
LOL.
ILUV2CHEWGUM
haha late reply but I agree with Harsh Critic and ILUV2CHEWGUM. I mean I story that doesn't use the proper grammar and spelling irks me too, even the fast pace of this story.
ReplyDeleteDon't take this the wrong way though, everyone improves by criticism, that's why people write drafts. :]
I bet if you spent more time on writing this story and developing it so that it has a slower pace and is more descriptive of the surroundings and what's going on in the story, it would be way better than how it is now.
Just a suggestion for you to take into consideration :]
FunkehRara
Haha, it's ok but I just wanted to make the point that "settings, grammar, or spelling" are all important factors in a good story.
ReplyDeleteI will try to keep the harshness of my remarks to a bare minimum *attempts a puppy dog face but fails* It doesn't work so just forgive ILUV2CHEWGUM and I will wait patiently and try to be as nice as possible in your next post. XD
And thank you for trying to take the critique the way its meant to be taken.
Harsh Critic
ok, im not gonna take sides, but i just want 2 say a couple of things
ReplyDeleteA&H, people who critic ur story actually care about it, y3nee they want ur story 2 be even better and better than the way it is now, i hope they try 2 be sweeter with their critics next time, but trust me, a person who shows u ur mistakes, is a person who cares about u, coz a friend is supposed 2 be a mirror, but i also want 2 say to those critics that u guyz should also point what u liked about the story, and as i said b4, be nicer with ur critics, try saying them in a friendly way !
and ppl who dont like the story AT ALL, just stop reading it, period. :)
OMG YALLA I CANT WAIT TILL THE NEXT PART ! im getting addicted 2 the story !
-EmJaih
Harsh Critic ,ILUV2CHEWGUM and Anonymous
ReplyDeleteFirst of all she's not handing in a story for Oxford or Brown, this is a blogspot and if you think u have the rights to grade her and criticize her, go to hell cuz ur wasting ur time.. if u wanna be an English teacher go work in a school, not in a blogspot u lozers
and abt the setting, this could happen in the UAE for your information, there are open-minded ppl out there ... sorry to tell u that but its true + the story is not real so WHO CARES ! and about the grammer mistakes o.O who gives a shit, why do you even read blogs if there are books available in book stores (no grammer mistakes and spelling mistakes) i feel ur wasting ur time , go get a life instead of criticizing creative ppl
and ya wut i just posted might have many freakin grammer mistakes and u know wut I DO NOT CARE! haha shut up and read, keep ur thoughts to urself cuz we have enough criticizing going on in skool ;where we could learn from a person that has the rights to do that !!! :D get over it ppl or lets say get a LIFE ^_________________________^
come on ppl, be nicer 2 each other, this is somewhere where A&H liked 2 share the story they've written with us, so no fights plz.
ReplyDeleteand u guyz really have 2 be more friendly and nicer with ur comments, because as the person b4 me said, this isn't going 2 be submitted 2 oxford. and plz dont 4get that the writers didnt say this story is real, so there would be no problem in adding a little bit of immagination and fantasy 2 the story, it'll be more intersting. 1 more thing, 4 a 1st story written by 15 years old students, they r doing a terrifib job. seriously A&H, u guyz r doing a wonderful job, keep it up =)
-Emjaih
Harsh Critic ...ur no better and dnt try to look smart coz ur nt w 3akaif el writers how they want their story to be like and its nt and english class ok :@
ReplyDeletelove it <3 amzing